Coffee, Cards, and a Goatee.

Moved!

2006-09-24T01:35:00.000-04:00

CCaaG has moved to a new website!! I know, this is a hard transition for all of us, but if you'll just bear with me and click here:

YIPPIE!!

It'll all be alright.

I Wish I Were More...Explosive?

2006-09-14T14:52:00.000-04:00

(Pre-post note: This is one out of maybe two times that I've posted twice in as many days. Cherish it.)

Sean Gold, world-renowned scholar of pop music, pizza-delivery schemes and calculator watches, consistantly surprises me by doing a fantastic job of holding up his end of ridiculous conversations. Sean may be the only person on earth I can have a semi-serious discussion with about the merits of Chuck Berry supposedly defecating into a stripper's mouth. Whereas a conversation with someone else would go as follows:

Me: So, Chuck Berry apparently laid a cleveland steamer in a stripper's pie hole. Comments?
Not-Sean-Man: I would prefer to never converse with you again.

A conversation with Sean on the same topic goes like this:

Me: Chuck Berry rolled-over a Beethoven of feces into a stripper's mouth. How does that change your views of Chuck?
Sean: He's still a guitar god. Also, you can't really be a musical star without some kind of insane story in your past that people can pass around as a rumor. You can be good at music, you can have the best songs in the world, but unless you do something akin to paying a female to eat your waste, you can't really be overly famous.

All shit jokes aside, this is probably my favorite thing about Mr. Gold.

So during one of our recent conversations, the topic of long hair came up. I'll spare you the details of how, but a brief outline goes like such:
Away messages -> Repetitive music -> Guitar solos -> Inane dancing -> Long hair
Fill in the blanks as you will.
But it got me thinking. One of these days, I need to radically re-do my image. Not a gradual thing, and not a false kind of thing. I'd want to stay true to my own interests, but also something that will get noticed. Chuck Klosterman talks about how he once went into a Gap, looked at the twelve mannicans on display, and bought the entire outfit of the one that caught his attention the most (mainly because he doesn't like the shopping process). The blue sweater with untucked dress shirt and jeans look that he wore to work the next day was a huge hit, and got him noticed by just about everyone. I think this is a fine idea. One of the ways this may happen is by growing my hair longer. Long hair just accentuates everything your head does; it makes your cranial movements far more dramatic. When you agree with someone, you dont just nod your head, you rear back your mane and launch a folicular attack of geniality. Dramaticism kicks ass.

But then again. Long hair can go very, very wrong on a male (and females too, but men especially). And I don't think I could particularly pull it off. I'm already known for my hairiness (see: title of blog), and having dramatic hair would only increase this problem. That, and I have a head that, under the same rules that expelled Pluto as a planet, introduced my noggin. In fact, here's a recent picture of myself, captioned by the photographer:

(Alright, so I stole that from Google images. But you get the point). Long, flowing hair would only accentuate this problem as well. See, when I think about having long hair, I assume that I'm going to look like this:

But guess what, I'm not. That is, unless I start severely working out and start focusing on proper stubble growth. I just dont have that kind of patience. But maybe I'll buy a sweater and a dress shirt. That could be a good start.

Maybe a messenger bag too?

Fall '06 Underway

2006-09-13T20:55:00.001-04:00

Life's been a lot more eventful the past few months. Normally I'd write a long winded, somewhat witty, and ultimatley unimportant post about it all (which I guess I'm doing anyway), but because I'm kind of tired and have been doing a lot of writing in the past few days, I'm going to break it down into bullets. These are by no means in any order -- I'm just writing them as they come to me. I will try to put downer things immediatley preceeding a happy, funny thing. This way, we all end up smiling. Aint that nice in a hippy sort of way?

Recent Events (and a sentence or two of thought on each)

Started the Fall '06 semester. Classes include Cognitive Psych, American Fictions of Death, Clinical Psychology Seminar, Intro to Astronomy (snicker), and Lab In Learning. That last one has been a source of conflict -- while the others are all generally good, the lab requires me to work with a rat that Heather and I have affectionatley dubbed "Madison" (I'm really starting to love that lever-pressing rodent), and with another rat who takes the form of an overweight and excessivley hairy girl who wears nothing but belly shirts (or perhaps they were supposed to be mumu's that just got eaten by her dough-like gut) and likes to ask me ridiculously stupid questions. Questions such as, "Do you know what this Operant Conditioning thing is?" Non-psych majors may think that to be a legitimate question, but its akin to one carpenter asking another, "Hey, I've been at this for a few years now, but I'm not sure what these little pointy metal things do...nails, I think they're called?"
Living In A New Place. I'm living in a two bedroom apartment in Johnson City with a Mr. Brian Juba. The location is thirty seconds from Wegman's and the Oakdale Mall, and it has central A/C. I'm loving it. Life in this apartment is understandably less exciting than it was last year...but at least I have an actual room now. In fact, the only bad thing about it is it's distance from the bars, but that doesn't matter because of the next point...
Broke My Driver's License. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to write this in a public forum, but I am not of legal age to drink alcohol. I know, I know. I'm only a mere 20 years of age. So to aid in my quest for intoxication, I normally employed the use of a chalked ID. Now, I'm the first to admit the futility of the chalked ID. You might as well go up to the bouncer with a note that says "Please. I'm desperate." But it was the best I had. My usual artist is in med school now, so I thought it couldn't be too hard to do myself. Long story short, I tried so many times that I wore the surface so smooth, the pencil could no longer apply. In an attempt to re-rough it, I bore a hole straight through the ID. I know, I can't believe it either. But I did. I actually attempted to show a picture of this, but I dont have Photoshop and couldn't black out the personal info that I dont want some 45 year old using to come touch me tomorrow night.
Grandmother. I'll keep this brief. I dont mean to bring everyone down, but this blog's about me, right? And well, this is something major going on in my life. So, my grandmother had this new operation that was supposed to fix all the problems she's been having (I can't remember if I've posted before about these issues, but if I haven't and you'd like me to, leave a comment about it and we can all cry together). The operation was a total hip replacement, but it was more complicated because of the removal of the old hardware that was already in there, etc. The incision ran from the top of her hip to the middle of her knee. Nasty stuff. But it was a great surgeon and it went fine. Things were finally looking up, until my grandmother hit a 1 in 8000 chance: she developed an arterial blod clot in the calf of the same leg. Quick bio lesson: Veins carry blood to the heart, arteries carry it away from the heart to the muscles. Therefore, no blood was getting to her foot, ankle, etc. No blood = no oxygen = necrosis (death o' cells). VERY long story short, her leg needed to be amputated. TWICE. First time, then to check and make sure they got all of the dead tissue off (any remaining would become severely infected and cause lots of problems), then a second time to cut a little more and close it up. So, after ALL OF THIS FUCKING 8 MONTHS OF BULLSHIT, the leg had to come off anyway. The worst part? Yesterday she told my mom she had to go to the bathroom, and when my mom went to call the nurse, my grandmother (who's been having some cognitive problems) said "Oh no, don't bother them, I'll just get up and walk there". Hear that? That's the sound of a heart breaking.
The Goddamn Nav Bar Is Back. You may notice a strip of black across the top of the screen. That's the blogger nav bar. It used to not be there, because it's annoying and I found a little sneaky way of removing it. But guess what? Blogger released a new version of itself (Blogger Beta), and I stupidly complied in joining. "New Features!" they said. "More customizable!" they said. "Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!" they said. Wrong, wrong, and really wrong. It's the same its always been. But now, the nav bar is not removable. Goddamn you Blogger. I shall have my revenge. I will not rest til the streets run red with your....uh...machine code!!!
Looked Into Post-Bac Programs. And then hid in the corner and cried.
Might Be Volunteering At A Psychiatric Center. With my clinical psych professor, Dr. Krantweiss. Great teacher, maybe great opportunity. Chance to see schizophrenics in their natural environment, which I guess to them might be Narnia or something similar. More on this as it develops.
BU Podcast? It seems the podcast idea has started its approach down the runway and will soon be taking off. Apparently a lot of paper work has to go into this first, but if it works out, you'll be the first to know. I'm getting tired of writing again, so I'm not going to go into the details of the project right now, but again, if you want me to write a summary of the idea, leave a comment. I loves me some comments.

In Other News

2006-08-01T00:07:00.000-04:00

Oh, and Blogger is being some special kind of asshole, and wont let me fix that rather large font near the end of the last post. I've been trying for an hour, its impossible, I'm sick, and I'm going to sleep.

Still, sit on it.

Yeah, yeah...

2006-07-31T22:02:00.000-04:00

The tomatoes have ripened, the cat has moved to Riverdale, Ed barely moves at all, and I'm posting again. Now you're all caught up on stuff from last time. No apologies for my lateness this time. I'm sick (physically and, some would argue, mentally), and I'm stressed, and I dont need that kind of pressure from you anonymous folks out there.

The reason I'm stressed, and probably the reason I'm sick, is because I'm working for this man: Raj Ratan. In his lab, located at Burke Rehabilitation Hospital, I work with a wonderful woman named Ambreena on little tiny cells, attempting to extend their lifespan when undergoing oxidative stress by using drugs.

For those of you that are unhealthfully interested in biology, we work with prolyl hydroxylase inhibitors. Specifically, we work with DFO, which is an iron chelator, and DHB, which is a 2-oxogluterase inhibitor, both of which de-regulate prolyl hydroxylases, which in turn, upregulate HIF-1 alpha, starting off a series of genetic processes that provide a larger window of time before the cell goes through apoptosis. We use the homocysteaic acid model, as published by Raj, to induce oxidative stress. Currently, I'm attempting to find what the link is between the cell proliferation that inhibition of the prolyl hydroxylases causes, and the CREB cycle, which our lab accidentally found a correlation between.

For you normal people out there, here's what you need to know:
Stroke -> Drugs -> Yay!

Anyway, the work is really stressful. I get paid a measly salary, but I'm also considered a "summer student". So not only is the work I'm doing reviewed by world reknowned scientists and doctors, but I'm also responsible for studying and knowing all the crap I'm doing. Considerng I haven't taken a biology or chemistry class since high school, and that I've only been at it for 2 months...I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job. Hopefully, Raj agrees, and we'll find out on Thursday when I have to sit down with him and discuss just that.

So what you ask? What does it matter if Raj thinks I'm a dunce? So what if that's the first time anyone has written "dunce" since 1548? Well, it doesn't matter really. I mean, its just a summer job. Oh, except for one little detail:

Raj is the executive director of Cornell Medical School, and is interested in accepting me to their program based on my work in the lab.

Other than that, I feel very little pressure. I'm just peachy keen otherwise. I mean, I haven't slept in 3 weeks, I do nothing but work, and I've developed a lovely respiratory virus, but I've been very lucky otherwise.

Here's my one saving grace. Even if the whole thing falls through, even if the "sure-fire" recommendations I should have never come through, even if Raj fires me and makes sure I'm never accepted to med school anywhere, even if I accidentally burn the lab and all of Burke down, I still have this...

I feel and look damn cool in a lab coat.
Don't believe me? Follow the simple equation:

Me:

Plus this:

Equals this:

Heyyyy, sit on it.

The Most Adorable, Eco-Friendly, Chock Full Of Pictures Post Ever

2006-06-13T16:36:00.000-04:00

Once again, my titles reflect my intentions for the post. I've got lots of pictures to show you, none of which have ever been seen before. This is an all-exclusive event (if you happen to be one of the billions of people with internet access). So first, a little background story to our first set of pictures:

A long time ago in a land far far away (a semester or two ago in Binghamton), I rescued a neighbor of mine from a very evil window (True, and would be a good post for some time). She eventually recovered, and in time, became friendly with the members of our house. Now this girl, whose name escapes me, also had a bit of a hobby in rescuing kittens. Tom, who used to live with me, had a bit of a hobby in wanting a kitten. The two of them quickly struck a deal, wherein Tom got a free kitten in exchange for giving it a good home. Tom chose the runt of the litter, and named her Mona. Now, in the background of these pictures you may see much litter and dirty clothes strewn about, those are mine. This was a low point in my long standing rivalry with cleanliness. However, the kitten front and center should distract you enough. I don't really have to say anything about her...she speaks for herself:

Jesus H. Christ, that's a damn cute kitten. She was very playful too, and utterly adorable. I only wish I had more pictures of her sleeping on people or sleeping inside of water bottle boxes.

Now, when I started uploading pictures of Mona, I felt bad for Ed. For those of you who don't know Ed, he's my slightly deformed German Shepherd. You might be able to see in the following pictures that one of his legs bends the wrong way, due to a particularly nasty automobile accident before we ever got him. He doesn't know the difference, though it does seem to ache him sometimes. He's also incredibly sweet and scared of more things than you can think of, despite his enormous size. I took one full body shot of him to show what I mean.

I've got three more pictures for ya, so hold on tight. Now, these next three aren't as cute, but they are going to start (maybe) a trend on this here blog. See, when I was a kid, I used to grow tomato plants, because the nice lady who owned the plant store used to give me them for free. I haven't done it in a long long time. But it's back baby!!

I realize the unwavering dorkiness of this, but for some reason its got me excited. And its my mother-effing blog, so you are all going to watch this thing grow. I'm going to take pictures of it, you're going to look at them, and you will leave comments about how gorgeous and delicious my tomatoes look. Ok, maybe not that last part, but definatley the first two! That last picture of the four little yellow flowers is the beginning of a tomato. Each one of those flowers will, with any luck, start to develop a little green ball inside of them, which will grow and grow until it turns the shade of red you'd normally expect. When they fall off to the touch, they're ready for eating. I'm no tomato connisseur or great lover of said vine-ripened vegetable, but they're easy to grow and extremely rewarding.

And there you have it. In a single post you've witnessed adorable felines, the paradox of a 115 lb. German Shepherd who could tear your arm off but prefers to lick it, a nature lesson about the origins of an vegetation, and pretty pictures of it all to boot. Now that's a goddamned post.

A Quick Apology

2006-06-04T19:13:00.000-04:00

As you may have guessed, this is a public, open, quick apology:

In my last post, I insinuated that Heather was exceedingly mean, by misquoting her feelings about this here blog. In fact, Heather is nothing but supportive of my little musings here, and encourages me to post regularly. She also reads every single one of these things...and, well...some of them are kind of boring. You can read the comment she left regarding this issue. That girl really knows how to make a guy swallow his words.

So in short, I'm sorry for the way that last post made her sound. She's really a wonderful person, and a loyal, loving reader of this little space of internet.

As a sidenote, how kick ass is this new look? And now that I've figured out some of the html intricacies, I'll be able to change that striking background picture whenever and however much I'd like.

So They Say I Haven't Posted In A While...

2006-05-25T15:13:00.000-04:00

Yeah, well...maybe I haven't. What's it to you?

Life in general has been a bit tumultous these days (SAT words, yeah!), and to add to the confusion, I've been told this about my blog, divided into who told it to me:

G: Your blog needs to be updated more often.
Heather: Your blog is boring and no one wants to read it.
Alex: You have a blog?!?!? (In an incredulous, 'What a tool' kind of way)
Ed: Woof (Which I think translates to: 'Screw your blog, give me a steak')

The blog is the least of my worries people. If you readers out there can find me a job/internship, help me shed a few pounds, heal my torn ligament, find furniture for my new apartment, get my cell phone to work, etc., I'll promise you a blog that will blow your collective minds.

And if you're in need of some religious ridiculousness, read this article by William A. Donohue, printed in the NY Daily Times yesterday:

Steaming Bowl Of Righteous Bullshit

The title is my own. To comment on the whole article would be pointless and only raise my blood pressure. Anyone with half a brain can see that Donohue is a whiny, incompetant, self-righteous asshole. But if I had to pick one issue (and I dont, but I will), its that he attempts to say that Catholicism is the ONLY organization (religous or otherwise!) that is ridiculed or criticized. Anywhere. On Earth.

For example: "No other segment of society is continuously the target of vicious jokes by the likes of Penn Jillette or Bill Maher. No other segment of society is subjected to the obscene assaults like those 'South Park' delivers over and over again. And no other segment of society is routinely held up to derision on college campuses"

OH REALLY?!?

Now, I will admit, that on the subject of Penn, no other segment of society has had a small vignette played out in front of an audience wherein their deity, on the crucifix, was fellated by a midget in an angel costume. True. However, it was a private party, and Penn does have the right to freedom of speech. Had Donohue retorted by having a Penn look alike catching a bullet in his teeth while having anal sex with another famous atheist (Richard Dawkins or Michael Goudeau perhaps?), I'm sure Penn would have taken it in stride.

And regardless! "NO other segment of society..." is just a ridiculous statement. If anyone, ANYONE, can provide me with a single sector of society that has never been the target of a joke, or "held up to derision on college campuses", I will pay them every cent I have. Every last one. If that amount is not sufficient, I will become their indentured servant. It's in writing now.

Does he think the Catholics are innocent? Certainly they've had thier fun at other's expense's, eh? Has watching South Park ever killed anyone (with the exception of Issac Hayes, who may or may not be dead at this point)? Has Penn Jillette? What about Bill Maher? On the other hand, has not believing in a Catholic God ever killed anyo...oh wait.

Yes, this is ranting. Yes, it's unlike me. But I was in a pissy mood and this article was out on the kitchen table while I was posting, and I felt like venting a bit.

Next post will be happier. And less political.

Everything In Red Is A Lie

2006-04-23T11:34:00.000-04:00

My 1/2 hour show at LASU went really well. The show started right on time, there was a large, receptive audience, and they were really there for some well-conceived and artistic entertainment. My performance was spot on, and I had the audience on my side the whole time. If you've never seen a magic or mentalism show before, that was the place you wanted to be.

Well, I'll admit it wasn't all roses. There were a couple of spots that needed some finesse. But to go over the routines one by one:

Opening, "Candy": This worked perfectly. Not only did the suggestive techniques perform like a charm, but the all the hard work and money that went into sorting 4,018 M&Ms by color really paid off.
The Check Game: I know this is blatantly stolen from Derren Brown's stage show, but I really love performing it and I'm getting pretty good at it. You know, its a lot of money to put on the line for a mentalism show, but since I have a steady flow of income and due to the fact that it works almost every time, I think its completley worth it. Also, the audience members at LASU Gigante were just so respectful, understanding, and wonderful about following instructions and playing along. They really gave me their full, undivided attention, and I had no need to change my whole performance or repeat the simple instructions of "Pick one envelope" 1,000 times.
Desire Duplication: This is just a great routine by a master mentalist known as Max Maven. It's never failed me, and I doubt it ever will. The touches G and I have added to it really do add something, I think, and its probably the thing I'm most proud of in the show. Once again, the LASU audience was fantastic about listening to what I said.
Bottle: This routine involves me putting myself in actual, great danger. I could be severely hurt performing this routine. That's why I ask for complete silence during the final stages of its performance. The LASU did not let me down. Oh, and using paper bags to hide the broken bottle was a great idea.

So basically, that was the show in a nutshell. I was very happy with the show, and would love to perform for LASU again. If I could just digress a little, I want to talk briefly about one of the great social contributions LASU makes to Binghamton University, nay, the world. They really are doing their best to dispel the stereotype of the dirty, undereducated Latino. This is an important thing in our culture. These people are unjustly and unfairly viewed as a lesser form of being, and while I know for fact that this is untrue, anyone who felt otherwise would only have to go to an LASU function, and they would see for themselves how wrong they were.

Three cheers for LASU, I look forward to working with you again.

An Open Letter

2006-04-18T00:21:00.000-04:00

Okay, I realize that my posts have been a bit bleak lately, but I have to get one more off my chest, and then sometime soon i will post a happy thing. Even if I have to make it up. But for now, an open letter to life:

Dear Life,

Stop unloading all your shit on me, alright? I've got way too much to do, and no time to do it all in. Since realizing that I only have myself to blame would result in my feeling worse, I am opting to blame you, you sadistic bastard. Personally, I think you have some hardcore unresolved mommy issues. You should get help. Also, if this whole cosmic balance bullshit is going to work out, then I'm going to need to win the lottery or something. Seriously.

And for god's sake, could you stop being so obtuse about things? If I deserve all this bad shit, at least have the decency to tell me why. I mean...that's just mean and cowardly.

Anyway, hope things are going well for you. Fucker.

Love and kisses,
Zach

Okay, Seriously Now...

2006-04-14T16:58:00.000-04:00

This needs to stop. I've been down in Florida, visiting my Dad, who recently moved down here. Bad luck continues to plague me: Flight delayed 2 1/2 hours, terrible ear pain on the way down, deaf afterwards, got in the pool this morning, got out, felt lump in pocket, it was my cell phone. Destroyed.

Do I have to sacrifice some livestock or something? Make a pilgimage?

Seriously, what the hell?

Remember that guy on the Flinstones with the cloud over his head?

2006-04-11T13:30:00.000-04:00

That's what I feel like. Like Job in the bible. Currently, I've been having worse luck than a smoker landing a job in a gasoline factory. I'm loathe to even list the amount of schizer that's been going on, but here's a partial list:

Sprained ankle badly and was on crutches
Backpack broke (which made it fun to carry while on crutches)
Tests and papers galore
People not emailing me back when they should (there have been about 42,678 instances of this lately)
Parking ticket (EXTREMELY unfairly given - that might be a whole separate post)
Etc., etc. etc.

Now, there have been some good things going on too, but I'm not going to list those right now. I will when I'm feeling a little more like it. I'm also trying to keep these posts a little bit shorter, since SOMEBODY seems to think they are boring and hard to read. You know who you are.

If Anyone Wants To Know Where I'll Be During The Week Next Fall

2006-04-06T08:53:00.000-04:00

Fall '06 like burning (Does anyone remember the glory days of www.thespark.com?):

Cognition
Lab In Learning
American Fiction Of Death
Evolution for Everyone (haha!)
Clinical Psych

More on my thoughts on these classes later. For now, breakfast.

I'm going to suggest a little game you might like to play...

2006-03-30T12:16:00.000-05:00

There's a saying by one of the great Golden Age magicians, Harry Keller, which goes something like (and im paraphrasing): "You can fool the eyes and minds of the audience, but you can never fool their hearts."

Of course, there's another great Golden Age magician, Jean Hugard, who wrote (and I'm not paraphrasing), "Of course, humor is closely associated with eggs."

This is why Harry Houdini (who got the Harry from Kellar and the Houdini from Robert Houdin), didn't call himself Jean Houdini. He didn't own any eggs.

ANYWAY, going back to that first quote, I've always believed that to be true. You might have the best tricks in the world (and if you do, call me), but if you don't have sincere respect and adoration for your audience, and if you don't truly believe in what you're doing, they will see right through to the panty line of truth lying underneath the much-too-tight pants of bullshit. Which is why I have to gloat about this new routine G and I are doing. Its fantastic. It's not ours, not even close, but MAN is it good. And for once in this art of deception, its REAL.

Here's what happens:
Spectator comes up on stage and is shown two envelopes and asked to examine their contents. In one envelope is a check for a large sum of money (large being relative). In the other, is a lovely but worthless picture of a bear (it makes sense in the show, trust me). The spectator turns her back, and the envelopes are shuffled. When they turn back around, one envelope is placed on one side of the stage, and vice versa. They are given a choice of envelope. They choose one. They sit down.
Later in the show, they are given a chance to change their mind, amongst much by-play. They do not.
Later still, they are brought up on stage and are given a hint, and read a letter that explicitly (and thats no joke) states how wrong they are, and lists about 83,000 reasons why they should change thier mind, even though it also says that they wont. They don't change their mind. They open the envelope they chose. The bear pic is inside.

Now, what makes this routine so appealing is that it can fail. When you boil it down, I guess its only a 50/50 chance. But the fact that there is real money on the line makes it feel like there's a lot more riding on that 50%. And they can genuinely win it. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let them off that easy. So really it relies on my being able to influence them through words and actions. I only wish I could post the entire script of the routine so you could appreciate the subtleties involved. But A) you wouldn't since you're probably not as geeky as me or G and B) you'd just scroll past it all. So be content when I say that its genius.

What else is there to talk about? I know its been a while since I posted...I guess not much. Oh! How about this: Leave comments about what you would like to see a mentalist do - something you've always wanted to see done, and you might just see it in the show! We're looking for new routines. Okay, we're admittedly desperate. But there's gotta be someone out there who knows a little something about this stuff that can come up with something! Anyone?!?

...please?

Damn.

2006-03-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

Just looked back at my first post which contained, amongst other things, a kind of mission statement for this blog.

...I really fucked that one up, huh?

Academy Awards

2006-03-06T01:25:00.000-05:00

A few things quickly...

-Crash won best picture. Weird, huh?
-Umm...did anybody see that hip-hop thing happen? And then they won?!? I'm not saying thats a bad thing...just...different.
-John Stewart...best Oscar host ever?

The Academy Awards are certainly going in a few different directions. If only they were actually worth anything in the real world.

Strangers And Luck

2006-03-02T17:51:00.000-05:00

First of all, Amanda (whom I don't know) commented to the last post. Commended my effort, though very, very politely and nicely put down my execution of said effort. Three things:

That was really strange, because I honestly didn't know anyone actually read this thing (including those that say they do).
If I had known #1, I would try harder to make this thing readable.
Amanda obviously knows what I mean, since her blog is far wittier and better than mine. Damn you. You're probably stealing readers from me. Including myself.

Second, in the past few hours I have:

Started cooking rice only to find that the little dark pieces of rice were, in fact, insects. Insects of the very alive variety (though at the moment they were being fried, so they weren't going to be alive for long)
Put an oven mitt on one hand and picked up a scalding hot pan with the other.
Shocked myself every single time I've touched anything metal.
Stained my sweatshirt with something unidentifiable
Developed a pounding headache
Nearly choked to death on...air I guess? Just started choking. No one seemed to rush to my rescue.

So....luck is certainly not a lady tonight. More like a Nazi.

Ode To Heather

2006-02-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

Heather was wondering why her name hasn't come up in a few posts. Fair enough I assume. Well, I dont have a lot of time as I'm writing this in class, but here's a quick Haiku to prove I'm still thinking about her:

Shorter and cuter
Than almost anyone else
She has pretty hair

So I'm not friggin Walt Whitman. Bite me. Just wanted to show that she's still on my mind.

...I'm a good boyfriend, I swear!

Jiggity Jig

2006-02-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

Home once again. People who don't know me in real life, reading this blog, must think I'm always home. Not so. It's not pleasant business that brings me here this time, either. My grandmother's health is deteriorating rapidly, so I felt I should get a visit in since I had the time and the means.

But hey, why the sob story right? There are mathematician dogs out there!

...huh?

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Zach, you've finally lost your friggin mind.' True! But I'm not making this up. Researchers have found that canines (as well as other animals) have an innate sense of calculus. Look for yourself: Calculus + Dogs = Yay!

See! This is particularly impressive, considering that I barely passed pre-calc in high school. I mean, its not like the dog sees the ball and works out an advanced quadratic equation in his head (I'm not even sure if there are quadratic equations in calc, that's just the largest word I remember from any math class). It's more like they just know the path to run that offers them the shortest amount of time from starting point to ball, which is something we would have to figure out using calculus equations. They, the dogs, just know it, the same way we dont have to think about how to walk or breathe.

Also, before someone as geeky as I starts hollering at me for not mentioning it, hats off to digg for providing me with that story. If you have the smallest amount of nerd/geek in you, that's the website you want as your homepage. It's fun and educational!

So there's that. Dogs. Math. Grandmothers. Geeks. All in one blog post. How's that for eclectic?

Anxious Without Anxiety

2006-01-30T19:42:00.000-05:00

Anxious about what you ask? I'll tell you.

Anxious about performing this new routine developed by myself and Mr. Jeetendra Lalchandani (try committing that one to memory). I really just want to see how it plays. See, a routine never really starts to grow until after its been performed, and by George, I want to give birth to this one. It's really the first thing I've ever done that's completley original (though inspired by others, namely Derren Brown, but then again, who isn't?). Methodology, performance, it's all me (and G). And that feels good. Really good. Once you break down that wall and are able to create on your own, you've finally opened the door onto everything. Especially in a realm like magic, where anything is possible to begin with. God I love this hobby.

And we have one confirmed show - another program in Seneca. But this time, with a decidedly more mentalist feel. It's gonna be good. I just have a feeling that it will be good. Especially because anyone who remembers from last semester (and apparently there's a lot of them, ask they asked for me by name), is expecting card tricks and coin tricks, etc. But now we're coming from a completely different angle, a new theory, a new way of operating. And I am pumped...PUMPED I tell you...to get started on it. I really haven't felt this excited about something in magic for a long time. Card tricks have lately been leaving me cold. Coin tricks were never particularly exciting. So...this is good. Really good. Will I get into all the theories and ideas that go into this new-school kind of mentalism that I'm so excited about? I could, but I won't. Putting you to sleep isn't entertaining unless there's other people around to witness and its intentional.

Now, on a more practical level, I need three things from you faithful readers. I've done nothing but give to you people. You owe me.

Needs For The Advancement Of Psychological Illusion, Magical Artistry, And Independent Student Cinema

Demonfish Studios and A Memory Of Dan Productions both need websites. Anyone willing to do this for us, to our satisfaction as "The greatest website a couple of Binghamton students can afford" will be awarded a free lunch at Moe's, or $5, whichever comes first.
Related, but not exactly the same, I need a website touting my expertise in the first two areas listed in the title of this list. The same offer stands as for #1. If you do both, I'll throw in, oh I don't know, something worthwhile.
I need a place for the performance and filming of stuff for the next special. Contact me for details.

I could also use a lot of other stuff. But I don't want to burden you people. Get crackin -- you've got a lot to work on.

...please?

All The Leaves Are Brown, And The Sky Is Gray...

2006-01-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

...I went for a walk, on this freaking cold winter's day.

In other news, G and I are planning yet another special, which is already promising to be better than the first. When Tarantino was asked about his first movie (not Reservoir Dogs, you QT newbies), My Best Friend's Birthday, he replied that it shouldn't be seen by anyone. Even he, a master of cinematics, acknowledges that your first time out is always your first time out, and that it is a necessary evil. You have to learn from that experience before you can go on to make anything truly worthwhile. You figure out what works and what doesnt, you find your own way of expressing certain things with particular elements that work well for YOU, and you also experience the strange fact that the camera is not a replacement for a human eye. It never blinks, it is unforgiving, and it captures everything. So you have to cater to that. To that wit, I present to you my list of Things We Know After Magic/Mirror:

All film ventures need a focus and a theory. Even if that focus is to not focus on anything, it needs to be explicitly stated and carried out. Magic/Mirror kind of walked a very blurry line between magic special and magic documentary, and I don't think it turned out as well as it could have. It was confusing, and confusion is usually just boring unless done correctly, which we are not smart enough to figure out. Yet.
Things will go wrong. No matter what you try to do, if it involves a lens and a person, something is going to happen. Whether this is a small thing or a big thing is left in the air, but something will impede your progress, and you need to be prepared for it. Example: always film the actual proceedings BEFORE the introduction to said proceedings. And never be afraid to test things out 1,000 times before. Regardless, it will always fail on the 1,001st time.
Audiences can think. There's no need to lead them by the hand through your film. They'll fill in the gaps and figure stuff out for themselves. In fact, that's what makes or breaks a lot of great movies -- giving the audience room to just think. The structure to Magic/Mirror was good for the documentary we had originally planned, but for the part of it that was a magic special, it was almost...demeaning. I.e. - "Hey, we're going to do some card magic now", and then there I am with the cards. I think they understood that point already.
Tripods are heavy.
Never leave your camera alone in a room with curious people abounding. Shit happens.
Just when you're about to give up on something, give it one more try. No, give it ten more tries. Trust me, if you knew how many times we wanted to give up on that balloon swallowing thing...but we perservered, and its probably my favorite part of the entire movie.
People are generally good-natured and want to help, but you have to understand that you are invading their space, and they have no idea who you are running over with a camera. Always be cordial and get permission first. We learned this one quickly.
Coffee is your friend. Coffee understands you. Coffee will save your soul.
It's always important to always think of your work as unfinished. Never be satisfied. And when you are satisfied, assume something is wrong. That being said, don't second guess yourself, and know when you have a good thing, and leave it as that. Its a strange balance. A magician once told me that the best way to look at your routines is to perfect it as much as possible, then don't look at it for at least a week. Once you've more or less forgotten a lot of it, pick it up, and pretend that it was written by the biggest hack in the world. Pretend it was written by someone who didn't know the first thing about anything. Treat it like shit. Then, assume that you know much more than the person who wrote this offensive bullshit, and revise it and make it better. Repeat the process a few times. You'd be surprised how freaking well this works.
Finally, if you're going to be shooting in a public place (and we ALWAYS are), choose your times carefully. Too many people and the noise and commotion is distracting. Too few, and it looks like you just broke into someone's house. No people is fine, but set the scene nicely. Basically, make it look like a place where a program of your nature should be set.

I'll be posting more updates about this project as they arise - but trust me, it'll be a good one. We've been doing one other thing that I forgot to put in that list: thinking. We've been brainstorming and planning and not rushing into anything, and we're kick-ass. I think this one's gonna be a good one. And it's going places. More on that if/when it happens.

Oh, and Heather's here 'til Saturday morning, and its awesome. So as you can tell, between those two things, I'm a happy little movie-maker.

One more thing, quickly...

2006-01-15T00:18:00.000-05:00

And thanks to G for commenting two posts ago...if anyone would care to make a Demonfish tag, or A Memory Of Dan tag, it will most certainly be posted here. I do not possess the technical prowess to do so. If someone could point me in the right direction of a program or something that would enable me to make said tag easily, I will do it myself and proudly display it.

Wait...

What the fuck's a tag?

The Iceman Cometh.

2006-01-15T00:15:00.000-05:00

Heather went back to Syracuse today. Shit. I know she has to go back, but that one kind of crept up on me. And I really enjoyed having her around on a daily basis. And so I repeat...shit.

Which also means that I'll be going back to Binghamton in about a week, leaving:

A) My grandmother still in rehab (the physical kind, not the drug kind)

B) The comforts of home

C) The ability to be completely lazy

D) Free food (If you go to college, you know this is just as upsetting as anything else)

E) Lots of other stuff I'm too lazy to think about and list. Hence why C was so important.

Again, shit. It seems to be a motif to this post.

Otherwise, I learned an important lesson today. IMDB cannot always be trusted. 99% of the time the factual information is true enough, yes....but opinion-wise, well, its still just opinion. And opinions, as we know, are like assholes. Everyone's got one. That was a bit vulgar, but if I had said elbow instead of asshole, you wouldn't have laughed. So accept the asshole, accept that everyone poops, and we'll all be fine. Except for those of us who are constipated. Because they don't poop. And now this joke is old.

I mention IMDB, because of a film I just watched, entitled "The Chumscrubber". Those of you who just opened a new tab/window to go look it up on IMDB, please note the inherent irony in your actions, especially in light of what I'm about to write. The movie was excellent. I very much enjoyed it, and I'm fairly critical when it comes to cinema (and I almost always can back it up). Great satire, slightly over the top in points, but intentionally I think, and very subtle in other ways. Also always presenting two (or three!) sides to everything, and many times using a single symbol/metaphor in about 300 different ways. All in all, very good. IMDB had SCATHING reviews of it. They hated it! But why might you ask? And here's something else! Though it received a rating somewhere in the 6 range, most of the voters (over 50%!) voted it a 10! And the second largest category gave it an 8! We must rise up against this injustice!

CHUMSCRUBBER FOREVER!!!!

Those last two words may have been #1 on my "List Of Phrases I Will Never Get To Say"

...they didn't even get the point of the video game imagery in the movie. The character uses his head to fight off the zombies and "sub-humans". GET IT?!?!? The same way that a large portion of the message of the movie was to use your head to break free of the zombie-like lifestyle as portrayed by the townfolk? Sigh.

Again, shit.

Shitty shitty shit shit.

Updates Galore

2006-01-09T19:56:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note that I updated the links on the right hand side. Still waiting on suggestions for others. Comments people! Leave them! You don't have to be a member even!

Don't you love me?

Ch ch ch ch changes!

2006-01-09T01:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the Bowie reference (see title of post), but ive been playing with blog templates a bit too long, and that's what came out.

As stated, I was trying desperatley to try and make this a unique and lovely blog with a very efficient and gorgeous design. That did not happen so easily, as most sites wanted money that I don't have for templates I didn't want. I did find a great one, but it had some code flaws that I was not savvy enough to fix. So I went with a standard one from blogger.com, but I did get rid of the little navbar with a bit of html tomfoolery. How sneaky of me, eh?

I know the links to the side are not there anymore, and in their place are google news and ugly "edit-me" links. I will change those. Tomorrow, hopefully. I forgot what I used to have there, so if anyone remembers or has one you think would be appropriatley titilating, leave a comment.

Damn you blogger. I'll find a template for you, I swear. For now, I sleep, but know this! I will not rest (for more than 16 hours at a time) until I find a suitable look for my blog!

Update On That Nose Thing...

2005-12-27T13:26:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the doctor to get the packing out. For those of you who have never had packing in your nose (I'm assuming that's most of you), its basically this hard...gel?...plastic?...gauze-esque?....substance that fills up the majority of your nasal/sinus cavity and sticks out of your nostrils, kind of like a bandage for the inside of your nose. But it hurts like hell. Its so thick and...i dont know. It feels like having a broomstick up each nostril for 5 days. It's not pleasant. But I got it taken out today, which hurt like you don't know (it felt like someone sucking a golfball through your ass, up your spine, and out of your nose), but Dr. Fox was pretty good about it and had it all over in about 5 seconds, and afterwards i felt much better. I did make an imprint of my fingers where I gripped the arms of the chair really hard, but thats ok I guess.

But on to the amazing part! Remember those 6 surprise polyps? Guess where they were? IN BETWEEN MY EYE AND MY BRAIN. Seriously! They were cutting, sucking, and burning things out of my head, working in a space you couldn't get your pinky in, and a milimeter to either side would have made me blind, or given me brain damage. Hot damn thats a sensitive spot!

Luckily, I got away without any of that kind of damage. I think. If I start bumping into walls or forgetting a lot of stuff, someone point this post out as a likely culprit.

The Nose Knows.

2005-12-27T08:50:00.000-05:00

Quick post today boys and girls, I've got lots of moaning and whining to get back to.

Surgery went not so well -much more extensive than the doc thought it would be. He found 6 more polyps than he originally thought were there, each of which proved ridiculously hard to get out. In fact, they were all located in some little tiny area that was blocked off by an array of bone. So he had to move said bone to get to them. When your bones move and they're not supposed to, we're talking pain. Here, allow me to detail exactly what happened to me:

First things first, the deviated septum. Mine was like the one on the right, now it (hopefully) is like the one of the left:

Then, the turbinate reduction, which is a fancy name for "Removing Shit In Your Nose That's Way Too Big":

And finally, the 7 polyps. Obviously I couldn't find a picture that showed exactly where mine were, but here's the idea of what a polyp is (Again, a fancy name for "growth of nasty shit"):

So there you have it. Multiply the last one 7 times, and 2 hours later I was laying in a recovery room just full of enthusiasm for the days of pain that laid ahead of me. What a life I lead. The nurses were nice though, even if they wouldn't let me leave and made me stay overnight....alright fine. They were right. I mean, I fainted when I tried to pee. That's gotta say something about your general state of health.

More on this later, my fellow bloggers. Blog well and live.

HOME.

2005-12-16T23:35:00.000-05:00

Here I am. Home. Thank freaking god. Kind of.

See, here's the deal. I am glad to be home. Really. There is nothing more comforting anywhere on Earth. But there are also a lot of things that are not so good about being home, especially this time around. So, in no order of importance, I give you my lists:

Reasons Why Its Good To Be Home:

1) Free, unobstructed, unclaimed food. Good god its everywhere. And I'm encouraged on a regular basis to consume as much of it as possible. Given the fact that my waistline may soon have its own gravitational pull, this may be on the other list as well.

2) The ability to feel all of my extremities. In Binghamton, my house is often kept at a balmy 52 degrees. At least here, in White Plains, I can feel 9 out of 10 toes, and the appendage that counts the most. The thumb. Right hand. Sick puppy that you are.

3) Wireless internet. Im in my bed right now, watching some glorious show on Comedy Central called "Comedians Of Comedy". Thank god for that.

4) Being done with the semester. I mean, is it just me, or was that a tough one? Damn!

5) Seeing the other set of friends/people. I love all you Bingers dearly, but theres also an entire WP crew to be considered. Plus, lots of quality Heather time. Yeah it's sappy, but I can't help it.

6) My mother effin' birthday. 'Nuff said.

Reasons Why Its Not Good To Be Home:

1) Surgery. Dec. 22nd. 1 1/2 hours, 3 weeks recovery. Um...fuck.

2) Grades. I dont want to know them, and neither do you. Admit it.

3) White Plains drama. Ain't nothing like it. And if you're not in it or next to it, theres not even a point in explaining it to you. This one somewhat falls in the positive category, cause everyone loves drama. Yes you do, don't lie.

4) With all of this crap going on, I haven't really had time to even think about my birthday. So if you were going to ask me what I wanted, I dont know. At all. And if you want to know what I want to do on my birthday, I dont know as well.

So I guess at a count of 6 items to 4, its good to be home. If you have anything to add to either list, please leave a comment. It's lonley on this blog all by myself.

All Good (And Not So Good) Things Must Come To An End

2005-12-08T23:07:00.000-05:00

Oh...hello there...

Sorry to have left this blog hanging for so long. That was certainly not my intention. I just became increasingly busy and increasingly lazy. But its my blog. I'll do as I damn well please! If you want an update so bad, go make your own blog! I CANT DO IT ALL!

...I'm sorry. Lets continue.

Big events in recent times: The documentary/special is finished! For those of you just tuning in, my friend G and I, a few weeks ago, started filming a magic documentary. We had really high ambitions, most of those got shot down, but the ones that remained turned into a little piece of cinema that I am very proud of. And not even that little! It runs over an hour in change! AND THATS WITHOUT ANY OF THE SPECIAL FEATURES, WHICH RUN LONGER THAN THE MOVIE! So long in fact, that we've made it a 2 disc special collectors edition. G and I really did a very good job on it. Lets hope we can build up the motivation to make a sequel, or possibly a series of shorter shows. I think we could really do the topic justice. I wont go into description about the whole thing, just to say that if you're at all interested in either of us or the subject of magic, you should watch it. It's really fun, at the very least.

Semester is coming to a close. Thats either sad or really good. Its great in that classes are over, which were really starting to get to me, but not so great in that i wont see any of my Binghamton friends for a month or so. Then again, its great because I'll get to spend all that time with Heather, and my birthday is the 18th, but not so great in that most of the break ill be laid up with big bandages and shit on my nose. Which leads me to my next item, surgery. Aint that a bitch? Sinus surgery, on the 22nd. Feel free to leave get well comments on the blog. I bet ill be updating a ton while im there, so ill see them. And respond. Maybe. I hope I get vicodin.

And thats about it for now. I started this posting because i was so bored, but now am too bored to continue posting. I'll post more tomorrow or something.

Turkey Bowl, Here I Come.

2005-11-22T18:18:00.000-05:00

6 days its been, but it feels like weeks. I've missed you, blog readers.

So I said I was attempting to keep this not about my day or a list of things I've done, but I think I've abandoned that plan. I now understand why people do that. I still promise to try and keep it intelligent, and entertaining. To me at least.

Well then, what's new? I'm home (again), but this time for Thanksgiving. I think Thanksgiving is right up there in the top 5 holidays ever. Its just so non-denominational (if you dont count Native Americans...sorry guys.) and festive. Most other holidays have to do with suffering. Think about it. Not Thanksgiving. It's just about Turkey and alcohol. Lovely.

Magic-wise, things have been picking up lately. I really think I want to start getting serious about this stuff. I mean, I have been serious, but I kind of want to move away from pointless card tricks and do something meaningful. If you've read Pure Effect or Absolute Magic by Derren Brown, you know exactly what I mean. Most of you haven't, and I don't feel like typing out a LONG LONG LONG post about all of the theoretical crap I was pondering on my way home. But leave it at this: I want to ease my way out of safe, meaningless tricks, and into real magic. More on this to come.

The documentary is coming along nicely. We need footage. Lots of it. But take a look at this:

http://mojay200.ipupdater.com/FEB.mov

Yeeeaaahhh, booooyyyyy! That would be me in the tie. It didnt feel like it was playing that well while I was doing it, but upon watching the video, it came out well. Oh, and sincere thanks and apologies to Todd Robbins. I stole his act blatantly and reproduced it poorly. I didn't receive any money for it (god knows) so I don't think it's illegal (im probably wrong), but I still feel bad about it. Sorry Todd. If you by some chance read my blog (that would, quite literally, blow my fucking mind), allow me to make it up to you by taking you out for some lightbulbs and windex. Inside joke people, go see him perform. You'll thank me later.

And now, for a more personal note.

To a certain girlfriend who at the current juncture has been going through some rougher times and has had an incorrigable boyfriend to deal with, I am sorry. Apparently boys get their periods too, and I've been having one that warrants a tampon the width of a redwood. I hereby, publicly (and embarassingly), vow to attempt to be more understanding and sympathetic, as I should be. Furthermore, I will attempt to discuss problems with you instead of avoiding them, and will stop pretending that I know everything. I love you.

To all males who read the above: Yeah, I meant it, and I'd say it again! And if that makes me a girly boy, so be it! To hell with all of you!

I should probably stop now. I see this post going very badly if I continue to write.

Magical Musings

2005-11-16T13:18:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't posted in a while. Sorry about that. But this will be a long one to make up for it. Mostly about magic things, which most of you probably don't care about, but hey, its my blog. And I'll do with it as I damn well please. You want a say, get your own damn blog.

...I'm sorry for the hostility. Moving on:

First of all, a response to the last post: Penn and Teller once again refuse to let me down. Their special, Penn And Teller: Off The Deep End was phenomenal. They really are like...how to put this...meta magicians. Not mega-magicians, like magicians who shoot fire from their eyes or something, but meta-magicians. They transcend the magician zeitgeist and play not inside the box, not outside of it, but right along the edge of it. Their work is akin to that of Hitchcock's -- commerically appealing and popular, but it also speaks, on a very deep level, to those with an understanding of the medium they are working with. Only Penn and Teller could expose method after method and only FURTHER the art by doing so. Plus, as they have often said before, whereas most magicians are "I'm here, youre there, and im going to show you what I can do and what you can't", P&T have always been about "You, the audience, and us, the performers, are equals. We'll let you into our world, and hopefully you'll let us into yours, and together we can share this thing we call magic, which is not card tricks and cheap illusions, but rather the maybes, could bes and what ifs of a life that is mostly constructed of yes and no.

...I think I've gotten a bit too theoretical on you. Allow me to move into more concrete things, by talking about this show I'm doing tomorrow...

I'm kind of pumped for this show. Its exciting. There's ads and word of mouth going around, I've got a set list and supplies...I feel like a professional magician. It's titilating for a dork like me. I'm still a little confused about what the last piece in the show will be though. I'm still leaning towards the Challenge Mind Reading, but the last 4 or 5 times ive tried it it hasn't worked. I'll probably go with it anyway, and hope that luck smiles on me tomorrow night. If it doesn't, I'll be in a bit of a jam, but hey, at least the rest of the show will have been good.

Also! On Saturday I'm doing some walk-around for a variety show being put on by the Binghamton Scholars. Supposedly BTV and the local news stations will be there, so I may potentially be on TV! Your goateed magician friend is becoming star struck already. However, the show is from 6 pm to 1 am. I'll repeat that, because it bears repeating. 6 pm to 1 am!! Damn! Thats 7 HOURS of walk around! My fingers just might fall off! But lets hope not, because I haven't learned the "Cut And Restored Dismembered Finger" trick yet. Yet.

So, thats whats new in my magical life. On a side note, if I could get personal for a moment, Heather (my girlfriend) is coming to visit on Friday for a quick overnight stay on her way home to White Plains. I'm just as excited for this as I am for all the things I've listed above. So, between the show on Thursday, Heather coming on Friday, and the Scholars program on Saturday, this might just the three best days of the year.

So I got a little sappy on ya. Magicians have feelings too. Just...sometimes those feelings are for pasteboards or half-dollars. You got a problem with that?

It's Called Coffee, CARDS, And A Goatee For A Reason

2005-11-11T02:11:00.000-05:00

Thursday, Nov. 17, I will be performing a magic show in one of the lounges of Seneca Hall. It'll probably run about 45 mins., and is going to be a run for my money. Why, you may ask. You may ask, why is a seasoned performer, forged in the fires of public performance and highly steeped in the theatrics of magic performance thinking this is going to be such a difficult feat? Well....lets take an exclusive sneak peak at the set list (which may or may not change its order by the time the show goes on):

1. Voodoo - A (maybe) signed card becomes prey to the wiles of its voodoo doll, a normal, examinable index card. And that's just the beginning!

2. The Flying Ebola Brothers - A guest team of performers showcase a death defying stunt the human mind nearly can't comprehend.

3. The Homing Card - Pasteboards and pockets, and the impossibilities therein.

4. Bodyguards - Can cards protect their own? Or are the magician's hands just a bit quicker?

5. Paper Rose - "If you hold it up to your ear you can hear the sea, especially if you're really close to the sea!"

6. Coins - Currency and prestidigitation. Apparently, SAT words as well.

7. Challenge Mind Reading - Quite possibly the most stunning display of mentalism ever seen. How's THAT for conceited?

And then afterwards, I'll be teaching an effect/technique. This part really depends on whether I can get the props I need in time. I don't feel its my place to teach anything that isn't public domain, so it really limits my scope. For that reason, I'll be teaching one of two things. If I can get the supplies, I'll teach (and giveaway) a vanishing silk move, which is well documented and widely considered to be pretty standard fare. Its the kind of stuff that makes magic books that are sold at Borders. If I can't get those in time, I'll teach the french drop. This might actually work out even better, since I'll probably utilize it in the Coins section of my performance. Its the kind of move that you would think, and this includes professional magicians with whom I've had arguments about this, would never fool a laymen. However, if performed with the proper timing, speed, and performance, it is wonderful. Perhaps I'll even relate the Dai Vernon/Mark Wilson story along with it. You'll have to come to the show to hear the story. Alright, fine, I'll tell you now. God! Stop twisting my arm!

So the story goes that Mark Wilson, a highly respected and very popular magician in his time, had a son who was trying to learn magic like his dear ol' dad. Mark Wilson had many contacts in the magic world, one of whom was Dai Vernon, perhaps the most highly respected magician...ever? He's know as The Professor to every magician every where. He's kind of like the Shakespeare of the magic world. Anyway, Mark sends his son to Dai in order to learn the French drop. Dai teaches him the move so that he can perform it flawlessly, and tells him this: "Don't ever snap your fingers over your hand as though you were making the coin vanish. That is completley unnatural and should never be done. Instead, just pretend as though the coin were melting away. Snapping is too overt." Etc. etc. So the kid goes back home to his dad and has him watch his french drop. Mark Wilson stands up and exclaims, "Wonderful son! That was beautiful! But you forgot to snap!"

Theres a lot of theoretical points in that story that are worth mentioning, but I'll leave them for now. If you really want to know why thats an important story, leave a comment or something and I'll get to it next post.

So, more importantly, why is this show going to be so hard? The variety of material I'll be performing is damn demanding. From cards to coins, carny stuff to mentalism. For each one, the tempo changes, the style, the attitude, and I have to bring the audience along with me for that ride. It's no easy task. And for those of you saying "Oh please, you do the trick, and then you move on" or something along those lines...that's why you're not a magician. The finger movements and slight of hand mean nothing, especially when compared to the audience management and entertainment value. Magic is not in the props or the skill of the finger flicking, it is entirely, ENTIRELY, in the audience's perception of the performer and his/her relation to them. And lets just hope that Flying Ebola Brothers thing goes over well. I haven't done that in a long ass time. I'll try to get a picture of it up here though. Its really fun.

Try to make it if you can...it should be a good time.

Penn And Teller. Enough Said.

2005-11-08T01:06:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm going to try and make this short, because at the moment I feel like John Popper after running a marathon. If you don't get the reference...

That being said, there is something of dire importance. I know I let you down last time, but this time should be significantly better (or lets at least hope so, otherwise i might lose faith in entertainment).

Penn & Teller, the duo that arguably made me become a magician, have a new special on NBC, this Sunday, 11/12/05. For those of you that don't know Penn & Teller, they are quite possibly the most progressive, innovative, astounding, thought-provoking, offensive, no-holds-barred, hard-working, creative, smart, talented, etc. and etc. magicians on the planet. Now, normally, this would be an alert of moderate notice, perhaps a line at the bottom of a post or something. However, there is a twist. While they will be performing mostly classic magic effects, they will be performing them

COMPLETLEY UNDERWATER.

While wearing these Jules Verne type diving helmets, i.e. ->

Kind of throws card tricks out the window, don't it?

Plus, they will be performing the metamorphisis, which was recently exposed at the Houdini museum, and while I wont divulge the secrets for anyone who doesn't know, I will say this: Magicians, and lay people who know the secret, think for a moment about how hard that will be to perform, at the same speed, under water. Especially for the person bound and in the tank, who will have no oxygen supply. Just think about that for a moment. These guys are not only good, they're legendary.

Disappointments

2005-11-06T00:34:00.000-05:00

There's a whole lot of things that really bug the shit out of me regarding that last post. So let's go through them, one paragraph at a time, and, conveniently, also in order of importance:

1. First the good things - everything in this paragraph, and the rest of the post, is completley true. That's good, I don't want to start lying on a blog to attempt to make myself seem interesting. That's just...well, lets just say thats wrong for a good number of reasons. Here's the bad thing though. I'd really like to avoid making this a "This Is What I Did Today" kind of blog, and this first paragraph borders on it. It's not there quite yet because it's mostly concerned with emotions and my relationship to you, my faithful readers, but its close. Who cares what I did today, unless there's an acutal significant series of actions that someone besides me would find meaningful or at the very least amusing? I'm not saying posts like that won't creep in now and then, but on the journey for the perfect blog, this is an important lesson.

2. This paragraph has two major problems. One, it doesn't just border on the mistake mentioned above, it embodies it. Two, it sounds vaguely homosexual and portrays me as a highly spiritual, "my aura is radiant" kind of ignoramus, which I am not.

3. Sigh. Here's the big one. George. George, George, George. Grab yourself something to drink, this one could take a little while. I just watched Carlin's new special, "Life Is Worth Losing". This was, as the title of the post may have hinted at, highly disappointing. Now, myself and Sean, a good friend and fellow Carlin-afficionado, had the following conversation about said special, which I repeat here without his permission and completley because I dont feel like writing it all again:

Me: That was....weird.
Sean: i'm disappointed
Me: me too
Me: he was more of a social commentator
Me: not even that funny
Sean: i really liked the first 5 minutes and last 10 minutes
Me: yeah
Sean: but the rest of it:
Sean: 1) too "calculatedly" outrageous...too much death and too repetitive about the suicide stuff
Sean: 2) poorly performed...he stumbled on a lot of words and was too slow....plus his voice has lost its character
Me: i couldn't have said it better
Me: The critics are going to rip him a new one
Me: and HBO will be peeved
Sean: well he did have a heart attack
Sean: and other health problems
Me: doesnt change the fact that he just wasnt funny
Me: he's a comic, and no matter what he wants to talk about, he should be making people laugh
Me: if not, change your label
Me: i dont care if he gets up and says everything he said tonight, but he should have called it George Carlin: Serious this time.
Sean: yeah
Me: and yeah, his performance sucked.
Me: plus, the audience was just sitting there in stunned silence...and a lot of the assumptions he made about things just weren't true
Sean: YEAH
Me: "Nobody cares about " Well George...they do
Me: families, people with hearts
Sean: oh you mean when he said nobody cares about the homeless?
Me: yeah, or prisoners, or people who got beheaded, or people affected by natural disasters, etc.
Sean: i think that's not really serious
Sean: and he's mostly talking about how "the powers that be" feel, like the government and shit
Me: you're probably right, but his performance should have conveyed that
Me: he should have made it a little more obvious that he was being sarcastic
Sean: yeah, like with more attention to tone of voice
Me: yeah
Sean: the audience didn't like it either haha
Me: haha nope
Me: no one laughed the whole time
Sean: i had a feeling it was gonna be bad when he started saying the thing about pussy farts
Sean: it seemed like the audience was thinking "you've said that before, douche bag"
Me: yeah, he did do a lot of repetitive stuff
Sean: my favorite thing was probably SOL and JWF: shit out of luck and jolly well fucked
Me: hahaha yeah
Me: i also like "He's down there you fanatical fuck"
Sean: yeah
Sean: i am also curious about how obese people take a shit
Me: yes!
Me: that actually made me think
Sean: i bet even Carlin knows he was bad though
Sean: he's been in the business for 50 years
Me: yeah
Me: hes gotta know when he bombs
Me: i guess though, it was taped live
Me: can't control a tail spin once its going
Sean: argh now i have the theme song of Tail Spin stuck in my head
Me: hahaha
Sean: ooo-eee-ooo

We then moved on to talk about other things, such as Bo Diddley. A clear segue from Carlin. Here's some additional comments, or notes if you will. If you go to http://avclub.com/content/node/42195 , you'll find an interview that the Onion's AV club conducted with the man himself. Its a solid interview, good insights, some background, etc. Thoroughly enjoyable. However, within it, Carlin says how he could see that some people would say he is an angrier comic nowadays, but that's not true. He calls it "righteous indignation" against a species that he feels has let him down. Hey George, I'm right behind you. Be as righteously indignified as you would like, and please let us all know about it in as funny and creative a way as you can. And I appreciate a lot of the new stuff he's done that kind of moves in a different direction than the comedy we're used to. Be a stand up comic for 50 years and you'll start breaking new ground at some point (hopefully), and I'm glad George was the man to do it. He's smart enough, funny enough, and talented enough. But here's the thing. Express it! George's performance came off as a twisted man telling of his thoughts, and occasionally trying to persuade others to feel the same way. He was pontificating. And again, that's fine, but its not what he was trying to do. Success is completley defined by what you are attempting to do. If I try to make toast, and end up with a cure for cancer, I've still failed my original plan. Serendipity may have smiled upon me and given me a great gift, but im still friggin hungry (unless the cure happens to be a super hotdog or something). If Carlin sets out to be funny, and instead presents some view on the world, or some interpretation thereof, he's failed. Especially for the paying public. George, I love you, and I still cherish most of your work. But come now. You've been at this for 50 years, you know what you're doing and what needs to be changed far better than any of us. I'll be waiting for your genius to shine through again.

That was a lot to sort through, so i give you this, which is guaranteed to brighten any day:

A giant seahorse made of cheese! Now if that doesn't make you smile, what will? Seriously!

Karate On The Beach

2005-11-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

Home for the weekend, and Mom and I took my grandmother to Orchard Beach today. Its good for her to get out, get some sun, do some people watching. Plus she ran into one of her old students, who's now 30 and owns a shop on City Island. I could get into why I feel so terrible for her, about her lonliness and quickly developing senility, but I feel thats a bit too dark for just the second post. Too much, too soon. Once we get to know each other a little better, then we'll talk about the more depressing side of things.

On the plus side, I got to perform some katas on the beach, which was pretty cool in a Karate Kid kind of way. Very relaxing. Probably very confusing for the onlookers though.

Now, in much more important news, there's a Carlin special on tonight. A new one. Carlin is somewhat of a prophet to me. Lately he's been just slightly off his game (lots of anger, not as much specificity or direction), but he's still phenomenal. I'll probably post something after with some favorite quotes and just a general review. But to any and all who see this before then (which will probably be no one), 10 pm (EST), HBO. You'll thank me later.

Here goes nothing..

2005-11-05T02:00:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to set one of these buggers up for a while now, and here it is. No comments on how long this will last, who I'll show it to, or when I'll update it, but at least it exists, and that's a start. I also can't comment on what the format will be or what I'll focus on. That's a whole lot of not commenting. I'm also not going to start off by telling anyone vital statistics about myself, my interests or tastes, etc. I wouldn't want to bore you, the viewing public, with a cliche such as that. You'll find out in due time, I'm sure, and the wait should amount to something resembling plot/character development, if such a thing can exist without a defined story.

So I guess, without a reason to put it up, an idea of where its going, or a thought as to whether I'll ever look at it again, I guess that leaves one to wonder what I hope to get out of this, and frankly, I'm not sure of that either. Perhaps a few random people will stumble upon it, and if I'm lucky, someone will be amused. If I'm REALLY lucky, someone will be moved, but lets not set our sights too high. I think, in all honesty, that I'm just going to wait this out and see where it takes me. I know its a lot to ask out of a blog (and what a terrible word that is, it sounds like the noise a boot in the mud makes), but I always attempted to keep a journal as a kid and it never worked. Perhaps the thought of someone else reading it will motivate me more. Maybe I'll get some kind of therapeutic value out of it. And maybe, just maybe, my short ramblings and whimsical notions will strike a chord in someone else, and what is life if not a series of connections? It could be that through this catharsis, I'll come to some great discovery of inner truths that even I wasn't aware of. This could turn into an extraordinary tale of a seemingly simplistic idea that just so happened to turn into the thread that holds together an entire chapter of my life, weaving its way through questions and answers, smiles and tears.

More than likely, its just a blog. A boot in the mud.

...but its free, so why not?