Coffee, Cards, and a Goatee.

(Pre-post note: This is one out of maybe two times that I've posted twice in as many days. Cherish it.)

Sean Gold, world-renowned scholar of pop music, pizza-delivery schemes and calculator watches, consistantly surprises me by doing a fantastic job of holding up his end of ridiculous conversations. Sean may be the only person on earth I can have a semi-serious discussion with about the merits of Chuck Berry supposedly defecating into a stripper's mouth. Whereas a conversation with someone else would go as follows:

Me: So, Chuck Berry apparently laid a cleveland steamer in a stripper's pie hole. Comments?
Not-Sean-Man: I would prefer to never converse with you again.

A conversation with Sean on the same topic goes like this:

Me: Chuck Berry rolled-over a Beethoven of feces into a stripper's mouth. How does that change your views of Chuck?
Sean: He's still a guitar god. Also, you can't really be a musical star without some kind of insane story in your past that people can pass around as a rumor. You can be good at music, you can have the best songs in the world, but unless you do something akin to paying a female to eat your waste, you can't really be overly famous.

All shit jokes aside, this is probably my favorite thing about Mr. Gold.

So during one of our recent conversations, the topic of long hair came up. I'll spare you the details of how, but a brief outline goes like such:
Away messages -> Repetitive music -> Guitar solos -> Inane dancing -> Long hair
Fill in the blanks as you will.
But it got me thinking. One of these days, I need to radically re-do my image. Not a gradual thing, and not a false kind of thing. I'd want to stay true to my own interests, but also something that will get noticed. Chuck Klosterman talks about how he once went into a Gap, looked at the twelve mannicans on display, and bought the entire outfit of the one that caught his attention the most (mainly because he doesn't like the shopping process). The blue sweater with untucked dress shirt and jeans look that he wore to work the next day was a huge hit, and got him noticed by just about everyone. I think this is a fine idea. One of the ways this may happen is by growing my hair longer. Long hair just accentuates everything your head does; it makes your cranial movements far more dramatic. When you agree with someone, you dont just nod your head, you rear back your mane and launch a folicular attack of geniality. Dramaticism kicks ass.

But then again. Long hair can go very, very wrong on a male (and females too, but men especially). And I don't think I could particularly pull it off. I'm already known for my hairiness (see: title of blog), and having dramatic hair would only increase this problem. That, and I have a head that, under the same rules that expelled Pluto as a planet, introduced my noggin. In fact, here's a recent picture of myself, captioned by the photographer:


(Alright, so I stole that from Google images. But you get the point). Long, flowing hair would only accentuate this problem as well. See, when I think about having long hair, I assume that I'm going to look like this:


But guess what, I'm not. That is, unless I start severely working out and start focusing on proper stubble growth. I just dont have that kind of patience. But maybe I'll buy a sweater and a dress shirt. That could be a good start.

Maybe a messenger bag too?

Labels: feces, hair, Sean Gold